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NOTE: This essay was written in response to an anonymous note left on my diary, asking whether SI was suddenly the 'in thing to do'... their question moved me to comment in length, based on my own experiences.

                   From what I have read and heard and seen, SI isn't exactly uncommon. And it's not
                   something that people boast about, or do because it's 'cool'... SI is the response of people
                   who are hurting and who have no way to express it... they hurt inside and they need to
                   transfer that to something visible, even if only to themselves. Sure, a lot of the people who
                   do hurt themselves deliberately are teenaged girls, but by no means all of them. I am no
                   teenager... and I've been there. And I didn't do it because it was 'cool', or because I wanted
                   attention... I didn't want anyone to know about it at all. It was just something that I HAD to do.

                   SI is NOT cool... it's NOT good... it's NOT popular... and it's NOT even uncommon... you
                   probably know someone who does it, or has done it... if you know anyone who suffers from
                   depression, bi-polar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or who is/was abused, or is
                   emotionally unstable, they're quite likely to have injured themselves on purpose at some
                   stage. I know people who have done it once and learnt a lesson that it doesn't work, and
                   other people who have done it once and learnt an entirely different lesson... I don't know
                   what makes one person turn around and hurt themselves, while another screams and throws
                   things instead... if I did, I suspect I could make my fortune. I don't even know why I did it... [I'll
                   say 'did' because I am hopeful that that phase of my life is past now... I know I'm trying, and
                   with my friend's help I think I'm getting there]
 

                   So what IS SI?

                   In case you haven't been reading my diary, or somehow missed all the entries where I've
                   talked about it, SI stands for Self Injury. It's also known as Self-harm, self-mutilation [I HATE
                   that term so much!!!!] or even para-suicide [another truly stupid term because SI is
                   NOTHING to do with suicide attempts] It is the action of harming yourself deliberately,
                   usually by cutting or scraping, but it can also involve hitting/bruising yourself, burning yourself
                   with cigarettes or other hot things, punching walls/windows, compulsively picking at
                   scabs/wounds instead of letting them heal etc etc... Any action that you do deliberately with
                   the intent of hurting yourself is self-harm. Most self-harm does comparitively minor damage -
                   it's NOT 'mutilation', and it has nothing whatsoever with a desire to kill yourself.
 

                   So why SI?

                   There are a whole number of reasons... some people SI as a distraction activity, when their
                   thoughts get too darkly absorbing... some people SI to punish themselves for doing or
                   thinking what they see as 'wrong thoughts'... some people do it because they've been
                   abused and they want to cut/burn away any evidence [even years and years after the
                   event]... some people do it because they're hurting and they have no way to express it...
                   some people are fascinated by their own blood... and some do it because they are
                   emotionally numb and they desperately want to feel SOMETHING. I don't think ANYONE
                   does it because it's cool, or because they've seen others doing it, or because their friends
                   do... I used to be on a self-help mailing list for SI, and there was quite a lot of discussion
                   about that at one stage - and one girl said something that really sums it up. In her circle of
                   friends, SI was seen as 'cool', in a very minor form. They used to make very minor scratches
                   with a safety pin, scratching out the initials of their desired boyfriend for example... the
                   others abandoned it quickly, but she was hurting enough that she took it further and
                   graduated to genuine SI. She may have started because her friends were, but she kept
                   going because it was already in her to do it. They didn't MAKE her.

                   Nobody can MAKE you want to hurt yourself... and nobody else can MAKE you stop. Only
                   you have the power to decide your own fate.