About me and this site

I am just an ordinary person. I am a twenty-nine year old Australian woman, I live with my parents and brother and I have a fiance who is absolutely nuts about me. And I have a mental condition called Borderline Personality Disorder.
It took me a very long time to realise that there was anything wrong with me, longer to battle the acute crisis, and longer still to come to terms with the fact that I am not quite like other people. Maybe you know what that's like, maybe you don't... but I have been so trapped and depressed by my life that I didn't see any way to continue... and I have lived through the long-term consequences of messing up my already messed-up brain chemistry. Let me tell you, it's not fun.

But I'm still here... and I'm slowly putting the pieces of my soul back together and learning to live life again instead of merely existing.

I started this website for one reason only - because I wanted to share my personal experiences with you in the hopes that it might help you, encourage you, and let you know that you are NOT alone. That's the thing about this problem - it is not something that you can talk about freely... nobody turns around to a casual acquaintance and says 'guess what? I'm a cutter.' We are very much alone with our illness. Or at least it feels like we are. I wanted to reach out to you, the person who hurts that much inside, and to say 'hey, I know how it feels...'

But I'm blathering here... if you are like me, you probably want to know the simple facts. Yes, I am a self-harmer. I started when I was a teenager... but it wasn't very serious, and luckily for me, when I got to about 18 I grew out of it. I did not harm myself again for ten years, but when I had my breakdown there it was... the solution to all my pain and despair and confusion and a way to punish myself for not being like everyone else.

Last year I struggled for months to overcome the impulses... they seemed to get stronger and stronger every day, and every time I gave into them the relief lasted for a shorter period of time. That's the way addiction works. And that's why I decided that I had to try and stop.

Some people try for years to break the habit. Some people never can. But unless you try you will never know if you can do it or not.  I won't try and tell you that it was easy - that would be an outright lie. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I could never have done it without the support of my fiance... he was there for me whenever I needed him.

As I write this, I can hardly remember the last time when I was upset enough to cut.

If you want more details of my progress, click here... otherwise that's all folks.
 

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